The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Aug. 5-11)
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform might be rebranding to X, their humour lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our "Funniest Tweets From Women" page for past roundups.
Goddaughter asked me my age. I said 28 and she said “that’s really young. Why do you have a job? It sounds like you’re too small to do that.” I agree
— feta (@fetacheesepls) August 5, 2023
meeting someone with psychedelically bad conversation skills is such a joy because it forces you to reach deep into your soul and articulate something you never knew was there, for instance, "So how long have you had an iphone"
— chlobuchar (@me_im_chloe) August 9, 2023
Sometimes I’ll run into a friend’s husband and think to myself, “bro you have no idea how hard I’ve worked to help save your marriage.”
— emily (@emilykmay) August 9, 2023
had a pilot named Ken yesterday and he introduced himself by saying his job is plane
— ceo (@ceo_revenge) August 7, 2023
what’s something i can do besides get married where i can be the center of attention and everyone cries and tells me how beautiful i am
— chase (@_chase_____) August 5, 2023
https://t.co/AZ4gNAs52fpic.twitter.com/8i7xALBaqT
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) August 8, 2023
Heartbreaking Tragedy Unveiled: The Solemn Image of Eight-Year-Old Victim from Wimbledon School Incident
can’t believe I have one wild & precious life and I’m spending it terrified to answer an email
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) August 7, 2023
did mdma by myself last night trying to heal my inner child and the only life-changing realization i had was that Fireflies by Owl City is the best song of all time
— hattie (@scrapbookhattie) August 5, 2023
Opened closet in hotel to check for murderers while simultaneously realizing I was unprepared should one be in there.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) August 10, 2023
Companies when you place an order and uncheck the box for promotional emails pic.twitter.com/XNHPnqqVBr
— Mina Kimes (@minakimes) August 10, 2023
really enjoyed the polite way old people would call you weird as a child. “You march to the beat of your own drum” hell yea i do
— empress sissi (@historicalfits) August 6, 2023
How it feels to be in boarding group 5 pic.twitter.com/hfP5wL4mSh
— eliza (@elizamclamb) August 7, 2023
me: do that thing i like
him: stops blocking the kitchen drawer i need to get into
Trump's Iowa Rally Fail Plunges Twitter into a Hysterical Frenzy
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 10, 2023
i hate my instagram explore page pic.twitter.com/zKoLl1ouob
— sandy (@satosgs) August 6, 2023
“you’re gonna regret getting all those tattoos” they will surely pale in comparison to the other things i will regret
— trash jones (@jzux) August 9, 2023
saw this pic of lily rose depp on the tl and i’m in awe of her muppet shadow pic.twitter.com/V2Up4ewENx
— vivian (@blewmarine) August 8, 2023
When I told my course director I was pregnant and needed to defer the dissertation, this one lecturer overheard and snorted and said “yeah, you’re not going to come back and finish. no way.”
she did not realize that I am motivated entirely by spite
— madeline odent (@oldenoughtosay) August 7, 2023
nah i get why chefs have huge egos…… whenever i make something from scratch it makes me wanna lift car
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) August 10, 2023
Girls who lived in houses like this were allowed to cuss their moms out https://t.co/xJeVxxz0En
— Sarah York (@thesarahyork) August 7, 2023
Rudy Giuliani's Shocking Fate: An Unexpected D.C. Recommendation
When I say let’s do something casual, I mean let’s wear pajamas, pull our cars up next to each other in an empty parking lot, and catch up through our rolled down windows.
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) August 9, 2023
having a boyfriend is so educational pic.twitter.com/gCLRnaF0lx
— multitude container (@bartleby_era) August 9, 2023
strict parents don’t know how to cope with having an adult child so they have to make up problems. four years ago someone found my wallet outside and dropped it off at a precinct. the police called to return it. to this day my mother refers to it as my “run in with the police”
— latke (@latkedelrey) August 9, 2023
my chicago ass thought this was deep dish pic.twitter.com/jJscVIOICR
— Jenn (@JuniperFolly) August 10, 2023
please stop asking me to send a calendar invite. i do not know what that means. the calendar invite was me asking you to do the thing. you manage your own little calendar, babe.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) August 10, 2023
someone in my crochet group posted these photos asking if this was too much yarn to take on a 3 day camping trip & everyone said no pic.twitter.com/3DVFzX2dLL
— THE lusty argonian maid (@lindawg) August 10, 2023
Sometimes I wanna tell Twitter about something nice my husband did but then I remember that lady who got dragged for saying she liked sitting in the garden talking to her husband.
— emily (@emilykmay) August 5, 2023
Is Jennifer Garner Bringing Elektra to Life Once More in Deadpool 3?
My most old person instinct is to dislike when restaurants swear in their signage. “Pizza that will make you say: Shut the fuck up !” Why are you yelling at me
— ellory smith (@ellorysmith) August 5, 2023
girl in the stall next to me just dropped her purse and a shit ton of blueberries just rolled right out pic.twitter.com/5Ehm9XNsjD
— miss piggy apologist (@liIpochaco) August 6, 2023
I need you guys to understand that there was a 12 year old girl beside me who sang every single song with the most guttural scream I’ve ever heard. She was singing tolerate it like she’s been divorced 3 times I’ll think about her forever
— macstermind (@kenziecoffman) August 6, 2023
I didn’t think I wanted to be a Supreme Court Justice but the lifestyle sounds amazing
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) August 10, 2023
at a certain point in my insomnia, i become more powerful than you could possibly imagine. i could crush a car with my brain right now. i could eat a whole sandwich with no drink.
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) August 8, 2023
yelling “sing, my angel of music” to the frog loudly croaking outside my window
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) August 11, 2023
Me when something good happens: I should have a snack.
Me when something bad happens: I should have a snack.
Discover: 5 Unexpected Causes Behind Your Missed Period (And They're Not Pregnancy!)
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 9, 2023
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