Carmen Maria Machado Shares Insights on Her Life as an Avid Gamer

A Lifelong Gamer: Carmen Maria Machado's Journey Through Virtual Worlds

In my earliest gaming memory, I stood behind a friend named Eric, transfixed by the colors and movement of Super Mario Bros. Despite my mother's disdain for video games, the allure of those digital realms captivated me. As years passed, I found myself bypassing restrictions to play, but with the awkwardness of a novice.

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I played horror games that made me scream. Games that made me sob. Games I didn’t finish. Games I got stupidly good at.

Yet, there was enjoyment in the challenge, and by adolescence, I was investing my own money into various computer games like 3-D Dinosaur Adventure and Myst. Through college and beyond, I experienced the camaraderie and escape that gaming offered, from late-night Halo 2 sessions to escapades in the Elder Scrolls universe.

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Relationships introduced me to new games, from the open-world Fable II to the mind-bending puzzles of Portal. Post-graduate life saw a return to the Elder Scrolls with Skyrim, offering not just an escape but a therapeutic outlet during stressful times.

In Philadelphia, the adoption of a PS4 marked a period of voracious gaming, exploring titles like The Last of Us and Life Is Strange. The games varied from RPGs to indies, from first-person shooters to intricate puzzle adventures. They became an essential part of my story—the evidence of my dedication on display in Bloodborne, Horizon Zero Dawn, and the likes of Witcher 3.

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Gaming with friends who were new to it meant embracing a shared narrative experience, directing each step and decision together. These moments highlighted the intimacy and sensuality of gaming—an exchange of expertise, the shared thrill of triumph and defeat, and the rediscovery of joy in play.

During a book tour for my debut novel in 2018, I encountered a fellow player who voiced their devotion to Bloodborne. This interaction prompted me to give the game, which I had previously abandoned, another try. His enthusiasm was infectious and accurate—I found a new depth and, along with Elden Ring, embraced the challenge with relish.

Before embarking on a taxing memoir tour, the Nintendo Switch became my solace through The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. Gaming became more than an activity; it was a way to ground myself, to cope, and to connect. Even amid the physical toll of the tour, I remained tethered to the comforting mechanics of the game—it was my refuge, my bridge over troubled times.

• This is an edited extract from Critical Hits: Writers on Gaming and the Alternate Worlds We Inhabit, edited by Carmen Maria Machado and J Robert Lennon. To support the Guardian and Observer, order your copy at
  guardianbookshop.com.
  Delivery charges may apply. In the US, the book is published by
  Graywolf Press.

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